I’ve been puttering around my house and home office for the last 5 days trying to regain my foothold on life and the business after two months of traveling here there and everywhere. I have struggled to get over the exhaustion and belly aches that come from a journey half way around the world. I have stared at my mounds of admin, emails and photographs trying to find the energy to get it all done. I’ve gone over my business plan and met with my business coach, praying that this venture allows me to create the life of my dreams. I have gone to bed lonely every night this week, as I have all summer long, just waiting until my husband can come home from school 545 miles away. I wonder why I just didn’t go with him, life is short, right?
All of these musings have lead me to question why am I torturing myself? I could get a regular 9-5 job and be done with the severely disorganized home office, late nights editing and working seven days a week. I could fly to my hubby every weekend. If you are my friend on Facebook, you’ve noticed that my status for the last two days has been...contemplating the meaning of life. A few of you commented giving me a few answers and encouragement on my quest.
My answer came in the form of a Christmas gift from my husband. It is a solar powered rainbow catcher. It’s only purpose in life is to create these beautiful rainbows that dance around my office when the sun is shining. That’s it. That’s the meaning of life...to create something beautiful. It doesn’t matter what that something is...a love, a photograph, a home, a friendship, a plate of food, a family, a pint of excellent beer, a poem, a rainbow, or a book on marketing. It doesn’t matter what the thing is.
As with the rainbow catcher, the sun doesn’t always shine. But there is the promise that tomorrow the sun will shine. If I didn’t quite achieve my goals today, tomorrow I will. It’s the dream of creating something beautiful that drives me on. My beautiful “thing” just happens to manifest itself most prominently in my photography and relationships. Photography is my way of creating something beautiful and giving it back to the universe. It is the backbone of my life. It gives me sustenance, hope and meaning. I’ve lived without it and I was not a happy person. My relationships give me the ingredients to make my photography. Everyone I know has contributed to the process of creating my beautiful thing. A tidbit of information, a family session, a chance to travel, a heartfelt talk on photography, and encouragement to follow my heart.
That’s it...that’s the answer. My fortune cookie says create something beautiful. Now, I am off again. I am renewed. Onward, because there are mountains yet to photograph, children to fall in love with, and cups of coffee (or pints of beer) to be shared.
Peace, love and happiness,
Jessica
Jess-
I was having a long day of frustrating adjustments - packing, unpacking, fussy kids, fussy husband...etc...and I read your blog and it brought peace to my mind...Thank you! Love you! Hope to have a calm moment to talk to you soon!
Ness
Posted by: Vanessa Horning | October 04, 2008 at 07:12 PM
Ahh Jess... we share so much:)
Posted by: Emily Deisroth | October 15, 2008 at 06:16 PM